Temper tantrums -- positive reinforcement opportunity

There are many different ways of training dogs and just as many (if not more) to raising kids.  I am always excited/pleased to find correlations between the two.  When I was training dogs, I preferred the positive reinforcement method.

Positive reinforcement involves paying attention to positive behaviors while not paying attention to the negative behaviors.  The thought process on this is even negative attention (telling child no, telling dog no etc) is still attention.  Often dogs and kids will want attention and the easiest way (or only way) they know is to misbehave.  Most bad behavior is caused by boredom and is attention seeking. 

With dogs, the way to work with this method is to praise when the dog is doing something right and ignore the bad behavior.  Teach the dog that the bad behavior will get him no attention.  To stop the bad behavior, it is as easy as redirecting the behavior.  You redirect the dog to do something you can praise him for.  For example, if your dog barks when the doorbell rings, instead of telling him to stop, redirect to something you can praise (sitting, down, stay). This gives your dog a way to handle the situation and gives him a  way to earn attention.

This same principle works with children also.  If the only way your child knows to get your attention is to yell, they will.  If it doesn't immediately work, they will escalate.  This is how temper tantrums are made.  The child learns if they yell loud enough and long enough they will get your attention or what they want because it has worked in the past.  I can't even count how many times I have seen children in a store trying to get their Mom's attention and they only time she pays attention is when they yell or do another bad behavior. 

This morning I read a report about a new way of dealing with temper tantrums.  I was pleased that the method they suggest is the same method I use with my dogs and my children.  Positive reinforcement really does work, although it is hard sometimes to ignore bad behaviors and redirect into positive ones.

Healthy Eating

Recently I have been reading a lot on ways to help your children live healthy lives.  Everyone seems to have a suggestion on how to improve the way your children eat, play, learn, and live.  There are all these tips floating around and it makes you wonder how people got all this information before the internet. 

Before giving birth to my daughters, I was a dog trainer (a fairly good one I think).  One of the questions I was asked a lot, besides how to I make my dog walk nicely, was how do I get my dog to eat the food I give him/her?  I would always ask what they were feeding their dog and how they fed them.  The answer was almost always the same.  They always start off well enough giving their dog dry kibble, but when the dog didn't immediately gobble it down, they started doctoring it.  Adding in wet food, human food, water and other tasty things.  They also try heating the food.   They say at first the dog ate the food but stopped after a few day.  The answer is simple I tell them, your dog is holding out for something better.  Why should he/she eat this if you will just give him something better if he/she waits.  Stop doctoring your dog's food, feed them a good kibble, and wait for him to eat it.  If he doesn't eat it when you put it down, try again at the next feeding time.  Your dog will eat when hungry, he/she is just trying to hold out for something better.

I find that a lot of the techniques and tips I gave my doggie owners are things I am doing for my daughters now.  Food however is the main thing I do differently.  Children need to be able to control part of their lives and the easiest is their food.  If parents make a huge ordeal out of eating certain things, the kids will not want to.  If you tell a kid they have to eat their veggies, they can refuse.  If you push the topic, they will always refuse.  I feel the same about the clean your plate theory.  I do not force my girls to clean their plate.  If they are hungry, they will eat.  If not, then they don't finish.  If they are told to eat everything, it becomes a challenge which they have the control over.

Nicole eating spicy chili

My daughters eat almost everything that is put in front of them.  They may not eat every last bite, but they do eat everything that we eat.  I have had a few friends ask how we got them to be such good eaters.  The only thing we can think of is we don't push food and we set a good example.  Why would a kid want to eat cauliflower if their parents don't?  Our girls are offered the exact same meal that Charles and I are eating (spicy or not).  So far the only thing Nadia and Nicole do not like to eat is cucumber.  Nadia LOVES cauliflower.  She will throw away chicken nuggets, cheese, or anything else if you hand her a crown of cauliflower.  She doesn't even want to dip it in anything.  Nicole's favorite food is green beans.  She also throws away other "kid favorite" foods for a green bean.